Yediot Aharonot er ei israelsk dagsavis, so vidt eg veit av det meir
tabloide slaget. Eg trur denne artikkelen eg har snappa opp illustrerer godt
skilnaden mellom den hebraiske pressa, og den engelskspråklege som vi har
tilgang til (Jerusalem Post, Haaretz)
Guy Beniovitz, 4 July 2002, Yediot Aharonot Internet
edition
"A Lesson in Democracy"
Here, ya Ahmad, in the little schoolhouse of Uncle
Bush and Teacher Israela, we will give you a new
education. You must understand that you are guilty -
though it's not your fault - and we only want to help.
Don't worry, ya Ahmad, we'll educate you yet, you and
all the Palestinians. For sure we'll educate you.
Lesson number one: replace that wild-eyed terrorist of
yours right away. A sensitive intellectual with a
Romanian accent would be nice. Second lesson:
implement democracy right away, and not pretend
democracy, but the real thing, like in Belgium let's
say, but with baqlawa instead of chocolate. And the
third lesson: get a haircut. It's not nice to sit
there in detention with long scruffy hair.
Why are you rolling your eyes, ya Ahmad? Don't you
understand, my dear, that you are stuck in the 12th
century, with a revolting culture that encourages the
suicide of children? What's so hard to understand
about that? But it's OK, it's not your fault, you're
just a slightly backward people, what can you do. Here
in the little schoolhouse of Uncle Bush and Teacher
Israela, we will re-educate you.
Stop fingering those beads and concentrate. You surely
know that everything happened because of your leaders,
right? You know that. Oh yes, we already covered that
in the last lesson. So pay attention: this time we'll
teach you how the Jews only wanted what was good
for you, but you refused every time. What did we want,
after all? To get out of the occupied territories, to
divide this bleeding land into two states, and to
dismantle all the settlements.
Why are you laughing, you impudent boy? What
demolition of houses and uprooting of trees? Well, OK,
you forced us to do that because of your behaviour.
Ahmad my dear, a good education requires the stick
sometimes. Besides, you are the ones who used
that suicide weapon - whoever heard of such a thing?
Suicides who kill innocent civilians!
Why are you now mentioning the airplanes and the
helicopters and the tanks? First of all, we tried hard
to warn you, and secondly, it's your fault for living
so close together. So here and there a kid goes,
what can we do? We are always sorry, always! The
Security ["Defence" - trans.] Minister's secretary
always prints up an announcement of our remorse,
several copies. And you? You don't even send a little
fax of apology.
No electricity? How's that relevant? Believe me,
you're only proving that you need education. Do you
really think that the technicians and the pilots and
the engineering corps and the paratroopers and the
soldiers of the Sayeret and the Nahal and the Golani
and the Giv'ati and the Navy really want to be in your
midst? That they really want to be in the [occupied]
territories? Come on! But you force us. You and
your suicidal friends. And stop whining to me about
your father who needs dialysis. You should have
thought of that before you started doing terrorism.
In the end, Ahmad, the problem is that you understand
only force. But it's OK. We, the humanists of the
Middle East, will give you the necessary education. A
little democracy, Zionism, love of the country,
military government. We like our Arabs educated, with
a nice tray of baqlawa, homemade humus and an
apologetic smile. And it wouldn't hurt if you called
me Effendi now and then.
By the way, on second thought it seems to me that
there are too many of you. Remind me at the next
lesson to talk about condoms.
Translated from Hebrew by Mark Marshall
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