Norge:
Du har to sauer. De bor på Orderud gård og sender hele tiden nye
tekstmeldinger om mordene til VG. Begge er dummere enn den andre, og
undervisningsministeren sier det er lærerens feil. Den ene er den andre og
begge er ingen. Begge tror de er fra USA og der hvor hjernen skulle vært har
de et lite TV, som alltid er innstilt på Dagsrevyen som alltid handler om
enten mordene på Orderud gård eller en eller annen kongelig sau. Om vinteren
lever de av å spise VG. Om sommeren sender du dem på gress på landets
motorveier, og spesielt i tunnellene. Når de blir overkjørt av biler og drept
forlanger du erstatning for ulvens herjinger...
Danmark:
Du har to kuer med klapphatter. Ingen av dem klarer å stå på beina. Begge er
innlagt på sykehus på grunn av fett rundt leveren og akutt overdose med øl og
wienerbrød. Begge dør av sult og navnlig tørst fordi de hele tiden diskuterer
hvordan de skal reformere sykehuset ved å gi det mindre penger.
Sverige:
Du har to kuer. Begge er Göran Persson. Begge nekter hverandre å gresse fordi
George Bush sier de er terrorister.
Grønland:
Du har to sæler. Begge er skutt for tretti år siden, men du prøver å late som
om de fortsatt er der og du kan leve av å lære dem grønlandsk og jakte dem med
harpun.
Færøyene:
Du har to torsk. Du selger begge og bygger for beløpet en million kilometer
med tunneller. Deretter går du konkurs og skylder på Danmark.
Finland:
Du har to kuer. Begge går i gummistøvler og snakker i mobiltelefon. Om
vinteren bloddoper de hverandre, blir diska og du går konkurs. Du skylder på
IOC.
>==== Original Message From Trond Andresen <trond.andresen@itk.ntnu.no> ====>Synes det meste av dette var morsomt...
>
>Trond Andresen
>
>********************************
>
>TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
and the economy
> grows.You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of
> credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an
> associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows.
> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company
> secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all
seven cows back to your
> listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with
an option on one
> more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows. No
> balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You sell one, and give the other one drugs until it
can produce the milk of
> four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
> A BUSH FAMILY CORPORATION:
> Your daddy gave you two cows. The cows get sick on account of how the
pond you put them
> in got the wrong kinda water. Your daddy's good friends in the Cattle
Industry buy the cows at
> $20 million apiece. The Cattle Industry pays no tax for the next five
years cause they're right
> good folks. The Cattle Industry done give you back the cows. You still
got the cows and you
> made $20 million on the deal. Who said you ain't no kinda businessman?
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. When
the strike ends the
> government has created a Departement des Vaches with a bureaucracy of
5,000. The head of the
> Departement is your mistress, Fifi de St Arnaud Delacroix de la
Grand-Cul. Your children are
> departmental secretaries earning Ff 500,000 per year. There are still
only two cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images
called Cowkimon
> and market them World-Wide. The cows learn to bow to each other.
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and
> milk themselves. However, they need lebensraum....
>
> A BRITISH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. Both are mad. This is OK because the minister of
Agriculture Herbert
> Plunkett Ranfurly-Ernle-Earle-Drax was at school with you and is known
to you as 'Whiffle'. He
> kindly agrees to have the law changed so that your cows can be
re-labelled as 'Non-Infectious
> meat-type product of more than one leg of origin'. Tescos make you pay
them to take your cows
> away. They are machine-reclaimed and sold as premium quality organic
beefburgers at 3,000%
> profit per cow.
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch. When you come
> back from lunch, the TV and the Press (which you own) are announcing
that the two cows have
> reproduced to become 2,000 cows during lunch. You and your brand-new
colleague, Rino
> "Chi-Chi the cat-buggerer" Torricelli (a respected Sicilian businessman
with an international
> pharmaceutical empire) now qualify for a huge EEC grant. You still don't
know where the cows
> are.
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and
> learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting
> cows and open another bottle of vodka. If only the cows would stop
drinking you could count
> them properly.
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
> storing them. But there are no, repeat no, Nazi cows. Or Nigerian,
Filipino, Serbian.....
>
> A HINDU CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You worship them. They eat all your crops. You kill
the muslims next door
> and take their crops.
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
> employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers. The
> party sells the re-educated milk, now called 'Mao's Milky Marvel'.
>
> AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
> So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? Plainly, the land over the
road currently illegally
> occupied by Arab squatters for the last five hundred years is land
apportioned them by Yaweh,
> an inalienable part of Eretz Israel, nu? The cows take it in turns to
learn to drive tanks. One cow
> establishes a ditch and a concrete wall round their new grazing land
with a bulldozer, while the
> other cow goes to Washington to lobby for more US aid for the reclaimed
land.
>
> AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You are suspicious of them. They look foreign or Abo.
With only 10 million
> acres of outback per honest Australian cow you can't afford to take
chances. You isolate the
> cows on a small Pacific island pending further enquiries. The cows die
on hunger strike.
>
> AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.2 : 11-07-02 MET DST