November 16, 2001
Taliban Thwarted by Irreproducible Result
Newspaper Reporter Anthony Loyd of The Times newspaper in London and BBC
Correspondent John Simpson are brave and hearty souls, wandering in the
aftermath of the fall of Kabul and the withdrawing of the Taliban to points
south. In a special report to the BBC and the Times, they walk among the
ruins and find a building that contains a wasteland the Taliban soldiers
have left behind: forgotten manuals, live hand grenades, and hats with the
new al-Qaeda logo on them.
After displaying images of this weaponry, and papers littering the floor,
Simpson shows us his two most horrifying finds: A piece of paper with the
word "ricin" on it, and plans for a thermonuclear device!
So as not to allow terrorists around the world to gain the plans to this
bomb, the camera scrolls down the instructions quickly, and focus on just a
few words:
"Theory of Operation...The device basically works when..."
"Plutonium (PU), atomic number...and is similar to..."
Scary words indeed; the keys to nuclear destruction, just laying out here
on this forgotten desk! How could these well-guarded secrets have leaked to
the Taliban?
Well, this is where it gets a little funny. You see, those words appear on
a semi-famous document that has made the rounds on the Internet since the
late 1980's. It's a reprint of a scientific parody called "How to Build an
Atom Bomb" from a humor newsletter called The Annals of Improbable Research
(AIR). At the time this document was originally written (1979!), the
newsletter was called the "Journal of Irreproducible Results". (In
scientific circles, a finding must be reproducible to be considered valid.
Hence... well, it's geek humor. You understand.)
In Mr. Loyd's Times article, he describes with baited breath the terrible
secrets on the page:
"The vernacular quickly spun out of my comprehension but there were phrases
through the mass of chemical symbols and physics jargon that anyone could
understand, including notes on how the detonation of TNT compresses
plutonium into a critical mass producing a nuclear chain reaction and
eventually a thermo-nuclear reaction...."
Here, then, is a paragraph from the parody document:
"The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium
into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain
recation similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column,
"Dominos on the March", March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly
produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10 megaton
explosion!"
To find these joke atomic bomb plans, do a web search for "The device
basically works" and look for mentions of "Let's Build an Atomic Bomb!". It
gives us pause and joy to know the Taliban are wasting their time
downloading what amounts to joke mail and spending time trying to discern
the facts therein.
Next time, Misters Loyd and Simpson should glance further down the
terrorist papers they find, where they might have read these words:
"PREVIOUS MONTHS' COLUMNS... Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine!"
(Originally noted by CyberGeek, images from the Beeb)
Bileta i artikkelen:
http://www.dailyrotten.com/schmuck.jpg
http://www.dailyrotten.com/bomb1.jpg
http://www.dailyrotten.com/bomb2.jpg
----Heile "oppskrifta" på bomber: http://winn.com/bs/atombomb.html
---- Tysk utgåve av historia: http://www.heise.de/tp/deutsch/inhalt/glosse/9988/1.html
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