Roisin McAliskey
CAT "A"; Holloway
Monday 21st April
Firstly, myself and Sean, and my family, would like to thank everyone for
their active support, and I'd like to say what an overwhelming difference it
makes to know that people do care, especially when surrounded by people who
don't.
It's in a situation like this that you realize that it is the thought that
really counts - when you're isolated from everyone and everything you do and
say is watched and monitored, your thoughts are the only thing that remain
your own - which actually makes it hard to share them with anyone so I hope
you'll excuse me if this is a bit dull and muted.
Although everyone knows what a prison is, I don't think anyone can imagine
"how" it is until they experience it. There are no colours - everything is
white on beige and
there's no shapes. It's all straight lines and right angles. All smooth to
touch. There's no smells and it's probably a relief that the food doesn't taste.
But the oddest thing is the noise. There's no natural noise; it's all
metallic. Even voices don't sound natural - they lack the life of emotion or
something. And it's then that you really notice that what is really missing
in prison is the beginning and the end of life - there's no children and no
old people. So the emotions and reactions that old and young evoke aren't
here. There's no real laughter, or innocence, or wisdom, or need to care and
comfort others. But that's where thoughts make all the difference,
and remind you that life isn't like this. And there's more to people than
prison allows you to see and feel. It's this closed and controlled
environment that leads to closed and biased minds.
Out of nearly 30 women with children in the prison, only two would sit in a
room with me. But when I'm treated like such a danger that I'm put in a
high security male prison,
why wouldn't they be fearful and object to having to associate with what is
presented as a threat to the little they have for themselves. There is a
prison rule that prisoners cannot share, lend or give anything to other
prisoners. So that while you are removed from your family and friends, you
are prevented from building new relationships.
But if you are an Irish prisoner in England, they segregate you - they build
a prison within their prison. With the men, they house them in an S.S.U. -
Special Secure Unit. And as they haven't got an S.S.U. for females, I get a
human equivalent, with two
"shadow" officers accompanying at all times, human bookends, giving me my
own prison within a prison. The only problem with this is that there is no
prison for thoughts. You can't keep people from thinking and you can't take
a thought away from someone.
So to know that I'm in your thoughts makes such a difference to my thoughts
and my heart that I hope you can imagine even a small part of the great lift
it gives me knowing
that I'm only alone in the physical sense. I'm due a month from today and
I'm very aware
that it's only through people making their thoughts known that I'm being
allowed to keep my baby. So while thanking you for all the active support, I
really want to thank everyone everywhere for their thoughts.
ENDS